Coverage

The first job a writer will probably have in this town will be as a Reader for a Producer, production company, or literary agency. Here's the typical format for providing "Coverage" for a feature script:

(NOTE THAT THE RATING SCALE FOR THESE DOCUMENTS IS 1 TO 5, WITH NOTHING LOWER THAN 4 GENERALLY BEING CONSIDERED. THIS SCRIPT WAS A "PASS.")

MASON MULE
Coverage by Eric Player

TITLE: Mason Mule FORMAT: Feature, 149 pgs
AUTHOR: Unknown GENRE: Drama
COVERAGE DATE: June 29, 20** CIRCA: 1950's - Present
COVERAGE FOR: ****Films LOCALE: Anywhere, USA

RECOMMENDATION: Pass but consider again after a major rewrite

STORY 3
STRUCTURE 1
CHARACTERS 2
DIALOGUE 3

LOGLINE:

A father uses the major inspiration in his life to help his son find the motivation to be a better man.

SYNOPSIS:

ACT I:

MASON MULE introduces himself and makes the case that stories are what build and motivate societies and individuals. He says he is going to tell the audience a story. 1983 – Camera lifts and glides to ROMAN (31) and VICTOR (8). Roman is getting ready to tell Victor a bedtime story but Victor has heard them all and is sick of them.

The next morning, Roman has to go see the principal of Victor’s school because Victor has been caught stealing. Concerned, that night at bedtime Roman begins telling Victor a new story–about himself in college before Victor was born. Roman used to live two lives, writing sensitive stories for class and working a “burger-jockey” job by day, and acting the playboy with his friends at night (or in classes he isn’t writing for).

One day, his two worlds almost collide when a beautiful TA named CLARISSA tries to compliment him on his writing, but he denies it and insults her. Later, his worlds do collide when Mason sees him at work and Roman asks him to keep it a secret, fearing this will tarnish his image.

Mason does, even helping Roman arrange a date with a hot chick on campus. The date goes horribly wrong, however, and Roman loses his wallet. This starts a chain of events that reveals his secret life and his penchant for stealing. Roman loses everything, but in doing so he re-connects with Clarissa, the girl he insulted and they begin dating. It is here that Mason admits to stealing the wallet to “kick Victor in the a--.” Roman wants to kill Mason but in the end just cries in his arms.

ACT II:

Inspired by the story of Mason, Victor begins a search for him by calling the telephone operator. He also wants to know more about him, to emulate him. Roman tells more stories, including the time Mason won back his father’s job for him when Mason was about Victor’s age. At first, Victor tries to do the things his father told him Mason did, but they don’t work for him, so he goes right back into being a bully.

This doesn’t sit right with his father, of course, so Roman tells victor more stories of how Mason channeled his energy and skill into other avenues–saving for a drum set, meeting and playing with a mystery violinist, becoming the projectionist at a local theater, and saving the high school dance during a blackout.

One wonderful thing that Mason does with his ingenuity and strength, instead of being a bully, is to save a friend who used to bully him from a car crash. Mason is famous for wearing a tattered baseball cap and this is where he wins it. This is also where he wins his drum set for putting his friends first.

As time wears on, Victor patterns his life less like a desperate teen and more like the Mason Mule he hears about in the stories. One day, at 16, his father tells him he has found Mason on the lecture circuit and they will be able to have lunch together soon.

When they meet, it is the greatest moment of Victor’s life, though he is a bit embarrassed that he doesn’t have more to say. The one thing Mason tells Victor to take away from their time together, is “you’re you, not me, and you’re a better you than anyone. The only ‘answer’ I’ve ever found to anything is the exchange of ideas.” They agree to keep writing.

This goes well for a while, but when Victor can’t get into any of the Medical schools he wants to he becomes depressed, and writes Mason saying he wants to cut off contact. Mason tells Victor about the time he was lowest–he had found the love of his life again (the mystery violinist from ten years ago) but she was a student and he was a teacher on suspension because kids in his class had attempted (and failed at) a prank that he was getting blamed as the inspiration for. They decided to try to make it work anyway, but when the dean discovered it Mason was fired outright and she was blackmailed.

ACT III:

Mason’s response? To go through with the prank his students failed at and to heck with the consequences. He wins the girl back, and gains enough notoriety to start a scholarship fund that leaves him free to teach without restrictions. His point to Victor is to never give up.

Once again inspired by The story of Mason Mule, Victor will not take “no” for an answer and gets his MD at a school in Newfoundland. He becomes a successful Dr, and a husband and father in the USA.

One day, relaxing on the couch watching a sitcom, Victor recognizes an actor: Mason Mule. But he isn’t listed in the credits as Mason, he has another name. Going to meet him, he learns the man was hired by Roman to pretend he was Mason Mule on that day they had lunch together.

Victor goes to confront his father. He learns that there is no Mason Mule and there never was. Roman made him up from a mixture of stories he wrote and his own life experiences to give his son a hero to look up to, because he knew his son would never idolize him.

Victor forgives him, realizing his father had been his hero all along.

COMMENTS/ANALYSIS:

CHARACTERS:

The characters in the script need work finding their own voices and sticking to them. While each was not necessarily indistinguishable, they were not so unique either that interchanging the names in the script would have made much of a difference to the voice of the story.

This was particularly true of Mason as narrator, who sounded the same as Roman as narrator. While it could be argued they were in fact the same person anyway, Roman created the character of Mason and as such should have given him his own voice.

Victor was also a problem, especially as a child. As an eight year old he expressed himself beyond his years, so that when he grew up and turned 16 there was very little difference in how he sounded. His lines in both fazes, therefore, did not ring true.

These problems continue down to the minor characters, with instances such as the Dean of the college apparently running the town’s police dispatch system, and Cynthia–the love of Mason’s life–having sex on the first date after establishing herself as much less impulsive than that.

STORY:

The problem with this script is that everything in it seems derivative of something else–which of course is a Hollywood staple–but being derivative doesn’t mean subject matter can’t be given a fresh spin. The script itself made no attempt to hide its conventions, however, even listing movies it wanted to be compared to.

The story itself is a compelling one–a father finding a way to reach his troubled son through the stories they share. Deep in there somewhere is a usable framework, underneath the showy movie trailers, musical numbers, and unnecessary character tangents.

STRUCTURE:

Now concerning that structure and those trailers, musical numbers, and unnecessary character tangents: The Act breaks suffered because of them. ACT I, which should end around page 17 ideally and page 30 at the absolute latest, does not end until page 48. By then, a Law and Order episode would be over, and the audience is very lost. ACT II, which on a 110 (plenty long) to 120 page script should end somewhere around page 85, does not close until page 138. We get the typical 11 pages for ACT III, but nothing much of consequence happens in it except for the Mason Mule reveal from the Dad, and given the length of everything else in the script it is extremely short.

This film is uneven in tone, trying to be cinematic and reference Mason’s obsession with movies by using musical numbers and movie trailers, but they do not integrate well into the story, as in a Moulin Rouge or Dreamgirls, because they are not established well, and considering the expense I would recommend they be excised in favor of the simple, winning story of the love a father has for his son. There are also numerous characters who mean nothing to the core story who are given sometimes a half an hour of screen time. Their roles should be re-examined in favor of cutting and tightening. The beginning should also open on the bedroom scene.

DIALOGUE:

The dialogue is believable and natural, except in a few glaring spots where characters stop to chew the scenery and tell things to no-one but the audience–like the doctor who wanted to emphasize the severity of Howard’s condition, or Mason’s standing up to Howard for principle’s sake.

Here was the best line:

ROMAN
I have been looking all my life for her.

MASON
Well, you increased your odds by
coming to California, we have
several of her.

TRAVELOGUE VALUE:

Moderate. The specific area of the country is never specified in the script, but while the Hollywood area of the country is a beautiful area, it is also an extremely well filmed area since films are made there all the time. If this movie gets made consider changing locations for variety’s sake. Many other states offer tax incentives, and California itself has many other locations that are less well known.

MARKETABILITY:

Good. I think it badly needs a rewrite before anyone will be able to follow the through line of the story, but once the characters are cleared up, many fathers and sons will be able to relate to the awkward trials of getting along with another.

PACKAGING POTENTIAL:

This seems like a project that would first attract a director/producer, who would then bring in interested actors.