Eric Clermont Player
Panther Pictures, LLC
Fargo, ND 58104
(424) 341-5508
To: James Gunn
c/o United Talent Agency
UTA Plaza
9336 Civic Center Drive
Beverly Hills, CA 90210
(310) 273-6700
Re: Last Minute Script Notes and Coverage
Mr. Gunn,
James, thank you for the opportunity to review an early cut of your next big film at Warner Brothers, Superman. It's been 12 years since they tried a reboot. So this time you didn't even try. All you did was reboot the world around him. Good call. I do have a few notes. After all, that's what you pay me for. (At least, I think somebody does. The checks come, and I cash them.)
First off, I find it ironic that having made such a fuss over the importance of a script before the movie gets made, story over substance, that your new film contains way too much plot and way too little character. Both of those things are actually quite good when they are there, but your film's so disorganized that every good bit gets undercut and upstaged by, well, itself.
I've always said that a movie fails when it can't stand on its own, or requires homework before you go in. In a world of movie "universes" that line becomes blurred, but--like television--each individual movie still needs to be episodic as well as serialized. That should mean that everyone is primed and ready to just drop right in to the story, right? Well, yeah, except when you fast tracked the worldbuilding you over-corrected on the storytelling. The script wasn't ready, even if the audience was.
Still, nobody should complain about a problem without offering a solution, so here's my rewrite. Feel free to go back in time with the truckload of money that you're about to make and implement these changes:
You've heard this already, but there's too much going on. If you really believe that you don't need to do a lot of setup with these characters because of how much backstory they all have, then commit to that lack of backstory and give them less things to do and much less to talk about. No need to explain who's financing their actions, for instance.
You'd get more time in the plot if you take out:
1) The Godzilla monster. Of all of the things Lex Luthor just happens to have or happens to be able to do, it's really actually the most nonsensical. It's supposed to be a distraction to keep him from heading over to the Fortress of Solitude and finding out what's going on with the hacking, but why exactly does that need to happen? We all know Superman only goes up there infrequently, and actually spends most of his downtime at his apartment in Metropolis. He said so in Christopher Reeve's Superman 2.
2) The size of that prison thing. If people associated with Lex Luther have been disappearing on that scale, he's going to be under investigation by the FBI at least.
3) In fact, lose the whole pocket universe. It's an unnecessary way to explain the portals. Literally anything else would suffice, and then you can have your secret prison somewhere else.
Those gone, here are my plot fixes:
You can keep the Justice Gang, But make them loyal from the beginning, and not farting around wondering whether or not they are going to believe Superman is on their side. As part of their crisis of faith, Metamorpho should already be a part of the Justice League, but on Luthor's side during the period where everyone's questioning Superman. This also eliminates any need for Luther to be kidnapping Metamorpho's son in order to get his cooperation. And it gives him a real penance to go through as his arc.
Having deleted the Godzilla thing, replace it with more intrigue between Lex and the head of that fake Ukrainian country. There's nothing wrong with us knowing his plot ahead of time, it actually would create more suspense around the question whether or not Superman would figure it out, and how to stop it.
Regarding the dog: Krypto is fun up to a point, but it is unrealistic for any dog to obey someone they don't respect as an Alpha. He cannot be under any kind of control by Superman, if he's not listening to him from the beginning. I know you joked that he was modeled after one of your own dogs, but just because you can't control a dog doesn't mean Superman can't. Superman has enough presence to give Darkseid pause. He can get respect from a dog. And for your climax to work, he needs to.
Putting Superman at the mercy of his cousin's dog may be a fun running gag--and it is a fun running gag--but it's at the expense of the dignity Superman is supposed to carry. Also, the climactic moment where Krypto ruins all of Luthor's cameras doesn't work because Krypto has spent the whole movie not listening to Superman. Now he does? You can still establish his frenzied pursuit of Mr. Terrific's orbs, but his pursuit of them should be overshadowed by his obedience when Superman tells him to stay away. (Even though he really really really wants to get them.) Then, when Superman sets him loose on the similar devices of Lex's, it's much more of a "Heck yeah I will!" moment for Krypto when he gets to do it. (Also without being subject to Superman, Krypto would have killed Lex.)
Finally, getting rid of the pocket universe allows the conflict that Superman is trying to stop in Europe to take the center of the movie. It's a more direct confrontation with Luther than the pocket universe is anyway. And this completes the arc of the Justice Gang trusting Superman too, because they can come in and be helping him, instead of being his replacement, which was really disappointing. Superman needed to answer the call of that kid.
And I thought he needed actual air to stay alive, that was the threat of the nanites wasn't it? How could he just be chilling on the moon in the post credit sequence?
Also, too many "s" words.
I understand that the movie already represents a significant investment up to this point. Please understand these changes are meant to help with the long-term viability of the project. And afterwards, if you think further preparation is necessary, I'm available for script doctoring at very reasonable rates.
Yours,
ECP
------
Eric C. Player is an independently poor filmmaker, and the president of Panther Pictures, LLC, in Fargo, North Dakota. He is a father, fan, storyteller, "Picker," Corvair driver, and Super8 camera fan. A graduate of BYU and Chapman University film schools, his films have played in theaters all across the United States, Europe, and Asia, and movies to which he was a contributing writer or producer are available on Netflix, Amazon, and Roku. He has written and produced film and video content for over thirty years, and has been writing chapter-fiction since the sixth grade. His 2007 production, Nothing But The Best, was an Official Selection of the 2010 Newport Beach Film Festival. His 2016 short, Moment of Anger, received multiple honors including Best Short and Best Director at the Road House International Short Film Festival in Santa Monica, California. His 2023 short film, Stay With Me was an Official Selection of the Boston Film Festival. He currently has two shorts and a feature in post-production, and a half dozen feature scripts just waiting for him to finish them already. Eric Player on Imdb.
